


He smiled

by Emile



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 10:22:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5330639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emile/pseuds/Emile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Dragon Age Big Bang 2015. Prompt: a Pavellan (Dorian Pavus and Inquisitor Lavellan) slave AU/canon divergence in which Lavellan, before becoming the first of his clan and Herald, was a Tevinter slave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He smiled

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, it's finished! With this also comes a warning that, while the story is somewhat finished, it's not at all what I wanted to make of it and it has became more of a walk-through of my original plans. It's still readable as a story on its own and exceeded the 6000 word limit though and I hope it will be still enjoyable.

   Calceus recognized him the moment the man turned around to face him, his voice had become just a little lower, but other than that was still the same. Rich with a thick accent and enough flair to match that of Empress Celene. The demanding tone in his voice as he asked for help to close the breach almost pushed him to do the opposite of what he asked. Not anymore. The only reason Calceus did as he was asked was for anyone but the young Master Pavus.

   The battle hadn't been long, much thanks to the capable fighters he had gathered at his side. Cassandra, Iron Bull and Sera rarely left his side in battle, nor outside of battle, surprisingly. Despite their differences, these people seemed to sympathize with him, to have faith in him... they had become his friends. It was not something Calceus had ever allowed himself to dream of, even in his time with the Lavellan clan. No one had ever looked at him for guidance.

Now this mark on his hand had given him a new chance. A new life.

   Calceus outstretched his hand towards the rift, feeling it pulling at his hand, the power of the mark burning through his veins. His fingers tingled and twitched, his arm pulling towards the swirling mass enough to strain his shoulder. But the elf stood his ground. He closed his hand to a fist, making the rift implode on itself.

   With clenched teeth he turned towards Pavus, who was trying to start idle chatter, his companions falling into position behind him. They had traveled with Calceus long enough to see he wasn't done fighting yet.

   “Dorian of House Pavus, most recently of Minrathous.” he introduced, finally having a good look at the elf with the strange mark upon his hand. His expression dropped in surprise, because despite all the changes, he was still recognizable enough to him. “Calceus?”

   The flash of recognition had been enough for Calceus to make up his mind, his left hand clutching around his staff tight enough to make his bony knuckles turn white. Once his name was called, the elf sprung into action. He lunged forward and forced the young Master Pavus to back up to avoid the end of his staff.

    “I am not going back!”

   Had the situation been different, Dorian might have been happy to see Calceus again, but not now. Not with his runaway slave having him pressed back against the wall "Not that I haven't been happy with your services, but I'm not planning to take you back." Dorian retorted defensively, turning away his face when he felt the twinge of magic coursing through the staff "Wrong choice of words. I apologize!"

   But the apologize wasn't nearly enough to make him back away. In one fluid movement, he slammed the end of his staff against the side of Dorian's head with bruising force, making him lose balance. The man knocked himself out as he slammed against the floor and Calceus simply watched it happen.

   “So...” Sera let out a soft chuckle after “It was alright of us not to do anythin', right?” she exchanged looks with both Bull and Cassandra, who both respond with indecisiveness.

* * *

   Had the situation been different, Dorian might have been happy to see Calceus again and maybe Calceus would have felt the same. But life isn't a fairy tale. And what they had was not love.

   He remembered meeting the young Pavus for the first time, how the soles of his feet scraped along the floor as he was dragged towards his personal headquarters. He remembered being stripped of his family, of his name, and given to a teenager as a birthday present. Unfortunately, he couldn't even say it was the most humiliating thing that had happened to him in his short life.

   Words were flung at him in a language he didn't fully understand, despite spending most of his youth in Tevinter, the language was one he had never gotten used to. The confusion was apparently showing on his face, because the young man closed in on him, seeming slightly annoyed when the thin elf backed away from him. “Stop walking away from me!”

   And he did, falling into place as soon as the young man talked to him in common tongue. His blue eyes met with Dorian's --- ones and held them. Despite his fear, he wouldn't go against his new Master's will and... maybe he was even a little curious as to what this man expect of him.

    For a moment, both young men seemed to be unsure of what to make of the situation.

   “I must say, my father has really outdone himself this time.” the man was hesitant, almost gentle, as he reached out and tilt the elf's head to the side to take in his nearly angelic features “When I asked for my new servant to be an elf, I was afraid he would bring me one of your women.” seemed like Halward had been more aware of his preferences than he lead on after all.

   The slave kept completely still as Dorian's fingertips nimbly followed his angular cheek bones, stroking down his cheek, then up his jaw... he seemed taken in by the beauty of it. Elves really were magnificent creatures. There was a soft hitch in his breathing when those same fingertips continued following the curve of his sensitive ears and it seemed to highly amuse his new master. He even graced the young elf with a throaty chuckle.

   “What should I call you?” the man pondered, dropping his hand to rest on the elves shoulder. Honestly, part of him didn't care. He just wanted to hear his voice. A voice that his slave seemed to have lost. Really, seeing the man open and close his mouth, muttering some inaudible words, nearly made Dorian pity him.

   His answer didn't take this long to come up with because he couldn't properly form words, but because he wasn't used to being asked questions. Nor given a choice. It took a while to calculate what was the right thing to say. “Call me anything you want.”

   Dorian clicked his tongue and fixed his hair with one hand, the other resting at his hip “Well, that is an awful lot of responsibility.” he teased, somehow trying to brighten the mood, despite of the fact he obviously didn't have to “Then... what did your former master call you?”

   As a young slave, he had grown accustomed to not having his own name, mostly just being called by rank or main task. Sometimes they called him Incaensor, dangerous substance, if he was lucky. His last master had not been as kind, calling him the Tevene word for whore. Or slut, would be a more correct translation.

   “Scorto.” he answered without pause, causing a cold shiver to run down Dorian's spine. He wasn't surprised that was what he had been used for by his former master, nor could he deny that it wasn't out of question for him, but he couldn't imagine naming a living being after a curse word.

* * *

   He wasn't much better at coming up with names himself, pondering over different words and names as he watched the young slave attend his new duties. This was Dorian's first slave and despite the fact he grew up with them around, it still felt wrong to have one for his own. His father promised him he would eventually get used to it. And by the maker, he hoped he was right.

   The slave looked at him with the most puzzled expression when Dorian called him over to his sleeping quarters again after dinner, but young Master Pavus just gestured for him to sit on the side of the bed. The elf did so without complaining, but made sure to take up as little space as possible. “What do you think of the name Calceus?” there was little to no response “Nothing?” he had at least expected some disdain, maybe enough for the man to give him his real name.

   Instead, the slave ducked his head deep enough for his chin to touch his chest and whispered a soft “Thank you, Master.” Being called after something as useful and practical as a shoe was the kindest any master had ever been to him, so Calceus wouldn't complain.

   “Would you seriously rather be called shoe than your actual name?” Dorian exclaimed in frustration and Calceus ducked his head, but couldn't help his lips from forming half a smile either. “I like my new name.” he admit, looking up to Dorian through his sleek brown hair. It completely shut the young man up for a moment before he spoke again. “You like your- ” Kafas, he was actually really... cute. “Well... good.”

* * *

   Dorian awoke in chaos, loud voices he couldn't recognize making his head spin, until one clear voice broke through the chaos. “You are the one who convinced me to take him with us, you deal with him.” It was Calceus.

   Someone, a woman, walked into the room instead and Dorian tried to send her one of his most charming smiles. Needless to say, his advances didn't impress Cassandra that much. She stood in front of him, arms crossed in front of her chest, her gaze burning into him. “A young man called Felix Alexius told us you would have useful information. We offered him to come with us, but he wouldn't leave his father's side.”

   “How long have I been out for?” Dorian asked, a part of him couldn't believe they had taken him to... wherever they were now. How far away from Redcliffe would this be? Far enough for none of his allies, or enemies, to find him? He didn't dare to ask any more, following the woman with his eyes as she started phasing around the room. “Not more than a day.” she finally answered.

   Her gaze when they locked eyes made his blood run cold and made Dorian wonder... how much had Felix told them exactly? And Calceus? How much about their past would be known to these people? He grew nervous as he followed Cassandra with his gaze. She was phasing the room restlessly, speaking harsh words “If everything Felix has told us was true...”   “It's true.” he assured her, knowing his friend well enough to be sure he wouldn't lie. His interjection was not appreciated though, Cassandra's deadly glare told him that much, so he decide against speaking up again.

   “Alexius has used time magic to distort time itself? I'm supposed to believe that? Just so he could arrive in time to snatch the mage rebels from under our noses?” her hostility didn't sit well with him, but Dorian kept silent and defensively crossed his arms in front of his chest, his body language creating a barrier between them. She wouldn't get anything out of him like this. Cassandra slammed her hands down at the table in between them “Felix said you helped creating this... time magic. Is that true?”

   He hadn't flinched at the loud sound of her armored hand slamming against the wooden table and simply wiped the dust it had caused to fly up off of his clothing flamboyantly, if only to annoy the woman in front of him. “It is more complicated than that.” he replied defensively, fearlessly locking eyes with her “But, in short, yes. And I might be the only one who knows exactly how to stop him.”

   After that, they talked for a tediously long time before Dorian was allowed to join them at the war table. But for Dorian, all was worth it when he came face to face with Calceus again.

   The war table room was dimly lit and Calceus and the advisors were already bend over the map, talking through the possibilities in hushed whispers. Time came to a halt when the door swept open and just like yesterday, everything else seemed to disappear once their eyes locked.

    For a moment, both men seemed to be unsure of what to make of the situation.

   It were his advisors that saved Calceus a lot of discomfort by continuing their strategy planning, updating both Cassandra and Dorian of the situation. While Dorian kept trying to make eye contact with his former slave, the man kept his attention to the task at hand.

* * *

   Their plan to infiltrate the castle had seemed water proof. The only thing Calceus had to be concerned with was taking his fastest companions and Dorian, much to his dismay, with him to the negotiations Gereon Alexius had invited him to. Keep him occupied long enough for Leliana to smuggle her spies in and get out as fast as possible. Preferably without causing a scene.

   “Announce us.” Calceus had command without any reluctance, standing tall as he faced one of Alexius' subordinates. It was nearly frightening for Dorian to see someone who had formerly been his slave in such a position of power, but he tried not to think it through, gaze directed to the door they were kept from. He only half-listened to Calceus bargaining for his friends to be allowed in with him. Dorian looked at the elf's back when he walked in before him, surprised Sera cut him off to walk in between them.

   He trust in Varric and Sera to look around for a possible escape route in case they needed one and simply kept his attention to the task at hand himself. Calceus had always been bad at dividing his attention to more than one task a time and Dorian was almost relieved to see at least some things hadn't changed. Not everything had changed.

   “My lord magister, the agents of the Inquisition have arrived.” Calceus gave a nod of recognition when they were gestured to and forced a smile when Gereon got off of his throne “My friend! It's so good to see you again.” the man spoke, his voice was warm enough to almost believe in his words “I'm sure we can work out some arrangement that is ---- to all parties.”

   “The Inquisition needs mages to close the breech, and I have them. So... what can you offer in exchange?” by now the man sat back on his throne and looked at them expectantly. Calceus narrowed his gaze, the way the magister talked about the mages seemed eerily close to how men like him would talk about slaves. Like they were objects to be owned, to be shoved around and done with whatever you wish. The elf clenched his teeth, but inhaled through his nose and replied as calm as he could manage. “I'd much rather discuss your Time Magic.”

   Gereon visibly tensed at those words and was ready to deny when his own son turned on him. “He knows everything, Father.” the man looked at Felix, visibly pained and breathe a shocked “Felix... what have you done?” to him. When his surprise turned into anger, Gereon turned his attention to Calceus again, getting up from his throne so he would tower over him.

   Calceus instinctively took a step back when the man stalked closer “You walk into my stronghold with your stolen mark, a gift you don't even understand, and think you're in control?” Gereon nearly growled at the end of the sentence and the words that followed hit the former slave harder than he would ever admit “You are nothing more than a mistake.”

   Dorian had stayed silent and in the shadows until then, but seeing Calceus shaking fist stirred something up deep inside of him. No matter how he had promised to lay low, he couldn't let this continue. He stepped forward “You sound exactly like the type of villainous cliché everyone expects us to be.” Dorian couldn't deny he loved both the look of shock on Gereon's face and the appreciative nod Calceus send his way. What could he say? He had a knack for dramatic entrées.

   “I gave you a chance to be a part of this, you turned me down.” Gereon pointed at him accusingly and Calceus glanced at the man that had now joined his side. It had been a while, standing side by side, them against the world.

* * *

  “You are a mistake!” the magister snapped at Calceus again, but now the elf wasn't afraid anymore. Yet an uneasy feeling settled when Gereon raised his hand “You should never have existed!” he could feel the air tingling with magic and instinctively turned to shield his companions. Everything went so fast that his mind barely had the time to register.

   He heard Dorian call out to him, could hear the swish of a staff breaking the air, feel himself being pulled back. The last thing Calceus remembered doing was pushing Sera back so she wouldn't be sucked with them and then his body was sucked back completley.

    The world around him coiled and twisted before it came to a sudden stop.

   Calceus would have collapsed then and there if Dorian hadn't been there to catch him. They stayed like that for a moment, both catching their breath and trying to progress what was happening.

   It was the elf who stepped away first, regaining distance. He grabbed the fabric of his shirt the way he always did, just above his heart, as if he was trying to still it. Dorian had always found it adorable before, but he had never taken the time to take in Calceus expression when he did. He seemed distressed, panicked even.

   Dorian blamed it on their current situation, unable to accept that he might be the cause of it. He looked around, trying to figure out what exactly had happened to them. Once Calceus had regained his composure, he started to wonder out loud “Last thing I remember we were in the castle hall. Magister Alexius attacked us and you--” Dorian interjected him before he could finish “Yes,” he said “If we're still in the castle... we've been talking ourselves the wrong question! We shouldn't be asking ourselves where, but when.”

   “But did we go forward in time or back? And how far?” Calceus was nearly panicking, but tried to keep himself together “Is this even possible?” he had the feeling it shouldn't be possible. He dreaded this feeling of not being in control. Dorian didn't hesitate to give the elf a friendly pat on his shoulder, unaware this actually made his state worse. “Those are excellent questions. We'll have to find out. Let's take a look around.”

   They stalked around the lower regions of the castle, using magic to protect themselves against the guards lurking around and leaving none of them standing. Every time they knocked out, Calceus tied them down to make sure they wouldn't be able to alarm anyone else.

   The further they walked, the more Calceus started to feel uneasy. His steps were starting to falter. He noticed red substance spiking out of the wall and had to stop Dorian from touching it. “Don't touch that!” Calceus covered his mouth with the palm of his hand when his voice echoed through the hall and Dorian send him a warning glare. The elf made sure to keep his voice low when he continued “Varric has warned me about that. It's called Red Lyrium and is supposed to be very dangerous.”

   That somehow made Dorian somewhat happy and he released a dry chuckle “Good to know I can still rely on you to keep me safe.” Celceus rolled his eyes in response and continued walking.

* * *

  Calceus had gradually gotten used to the manual tasks he was given, to being at Dorian's every back and call, the strange requests and lazy touches. It kept him on edge every time he was alone with his young master, just waiting for him to cross the line. Surely, it wouldn't be the first time that line was crossed, but for the first time in his memories, he... Dorian seemed to have started seeing him as more than a thing.

      That knowledge was both hopeful and frightening and both men tried to pretend it wasn't there.

   He felt his heart sink more with every step he took, his feet dragging as if he was wearing shoes of lead. When he stepped in to his master's sleeping quarter, he felt his heart stop. Dorian was already sitting on the side of the bed, the heady smell of wine and the rose petals scattered around the room made Calceus' heart stop. He lift his hand and clutched the fabric of his shirt, close to his heart.

   Dorian had gotten to his feet by now and gently laid his hand on top of his slave's. His breath was thick with alcohol as he bend forward and pressed his nose to Calceus' cheek. The slave didn't even flinch. He made sure to level his breathing as he felt Dorian's breath ghost over his skin, his hands crawling up his sides and slipping under his shirt.

   “Have you ever been touched like this before?” his master breathe against his skin, taking off his shirt before dipping down to kiss along the deep scar that ran from his left shoulder, over his collar bone, to the lower right side of his ribcage. Calceus almost forgot to answer, the feathery light kisses causing his body to tremble “Never with such gentleness, Domine.” he finally admit, maybe a little too honest, he realized and his throat ran dry.

   That night, they made love for the first time. Warm and gentle touches. Dorian tried to fill him up with love, molding him to something beautiful with his very hands. A lot of nights like that followed and both men lost themselves in it.

Those nights reminded them that they were alive. Dorian finally felt loved in the convinement of his bed quarters and in exchange he kept Calceus safe from the outside world.

   Calceus didn't hate Dorian. He never could. His master didn't know, he couldn't feel the pain of being loved the same way you would love a prized possession instead of being loved like a living being. He thought he was doing good, he thought he was keeping him safe. And he was, in a way. But it had never been healthy, their love had never been. Because from Calceus' side, it was born out of fear and desperation.

* * *

   They had been scouting to the castle, finding nothing but guards to fight off and some strange notes left behind until soft singing, nearly blabbering, reached their ears. Dorian couldn't help looking at the way one of Calceus' ears perked up when catching the sound. A relieved smile formed upon the elf's face “It's Sera,” he whispered, now stalking ahead so fast Dorian could barely keep up “Sera's still alive!”

   His focus on Sera and her safety wasn't so unexpected if you took into account how much she looked, even act, like his little sister used to. Or maybe that's what Calceus had told himself, his real memories about his family were... foggy at best. He came to a sudden halt and looked at the younger elf in horror as she looked around unseeingly in a hunched position. She was still singing, but kept forgetting the words.

   “Sera, look at me.” he whispered, trying to get through to her, he even reached out a hand “I'm not dead. There's nothing to be afraid of.” she recoiled and Calceus pulled his hand back with a pained expression. This couldn't be real. This was a nightmare. He couldn't be losing her again. Dorian couldn't to anything to help him and felt his stomach drop when he took in the situation. There was red lyrium, the substance Calceus had just taught him about, growing on Sera's body, coursing under her skin.

   Dorian stepped forward, taking his place next to Calceus, he tried to use logic to snap both of the elves out of it “Oh for the love of- No one's dead! Alexius used time magic!” Calceus gave a dry nod and decided to speak too when Sera continued protesting “Look. We're going to end this. We're going to get you out of here, I promise.”

   She looked at Calceus, and even though she still didn't believe it was really him, she really wanted to believe. “The day you died,” she admit “I ran out of arrows to make them pay. Then it didn't matter anymore. They took everyone... everyone. And I- I just got a bow. If you're really here-” “I'm here.” Calceus promised “And we will prevent this all from happening.”

   After that they continued their way, the three of them, freeing as many inquisition members as they could while making their way to the throne room. Everyone looked like they were dying... and Calceus... he couldn't do anything. Dorian kept convincing him that they would be able to go back in time, to stop this all from happening, but how could he be so sure?  
Still they fought, because it was the only chance they had.

   It was a shame they had to kill magister Alexius. Calceus meant it when he said so, but mostly because Dorian seemed genuinely hurt by it. He told the elf that Gereon had been a good man, and even though he had a hard time believing it, Calceus nod.

    There were too many demons storming the castle, even with both mages working on figuring out the spell. There wasn't enough time. Calceus had to look how most of his companions... his friends got slaughtered and it had been Dorian who held him back. “No, we can't go!” he sneered, trying to pull himself loose “I can still safe them, I can-!”

   “You move and we all die!” Dorian tried to calm him, pouring his magic into the amulet at the same time. It was hard enough to keep everything in control without Calceus struggling and the man grit his teeth in frustration. “Calceus, get in to the portal!” he command.

   The elf froze, as if by magic, and looked up at his former master with wide eyes. For a moment, it was like they had gone back instead of forward in time, a heavy weight pressing down on his chest. “Get in the portal, now!” Dorian add, louder now, and Calceus instinctively did as he said.

* * *

   When they had gone through the portal, Calceus felt angrier than he had ever been. Angry at Dorian, angry at Alexius and above all, angry at himself for falling back in line like a good slave would. His grip on his staff was strong and electrical magic cackled in the air around it.

   “You failed, Alexius.” he growled “How forgiving is your Elder One?” Calceus didn't care, he didn't care about the man wallowing in front of him. He was too angry to care. He had to force himself to walk away when the man admit defeat, turning towards the Inquisition soldiers that had infiltrate the castle in his passing “Take them with us to Skyhold. Kill who resists.”

   Dorian ran after him and attempt to talk to him, but the elf didn't slow his pass, eventually leaving him behind. He had really messed up, hadn't he?

   Everything in Skyhold went back to normal after that. As far as 'normal' goes with a big hole in the sky. Except for the fact that, despite Calceus' protest, Dorian had decided to stay. And the war council allowed it, because the man had helped them prevent that horrible future and would help with closing the breach.

   Calceus avoid his former master like snow would avoid the sun, too afraid either his anger or fear would get the best of him when he had to face that man again. After everything in their past and what had last happened in 'dark' future, he would be happy to never have to see him again.  
He couldn't do it.

   Yet he found himself facing the mage once they had made a decision about the fate of the rebel mages that had add to the inquisition. Dorian didn't seem to hate the fact that Calceus had freed them, but he seemed... distraught, at best. “The inquisition supports free mages.” Dorian pointed out “What's next? Elves running Halamshiral? Cows milking farmers?”  
Calceus scowled at the negative mention of elves “Yes, you would hate that.”

   This was the first time they talked after what had happened, yet Dorian had still hoped for less hostility. “I didn't mean-!” Dorian sighed, trying not to step on the elf's toes again “I just wondered if you have considered what this support means. For mages in general.” he tried to reason with the man “The inquisition is seen as an authority; you've given the Southern mages the license to... become like mages back home.”

   “Tevinter is not my home.” he pointed out, biting back and swallowing the words 'Not anymore.' before continuing “I know you might disagree, but every person deserves their freedom.”

* * *

   The world had gone crazy and nothing went as planned. The two men found themselves torn apart by their believes, standards and the chaos around them. The next time they spoke was after a lot had happened, after Dorian was sure he had lost the man to their enemy. The Elder One, Corypheus, or whatever he was called. It was hard to believe this was reality. But somehow, Calceus had found his way to him again. Or to the Inquisition, actually. The elf still barely acknowledged him.

   “I'm surprised to see you up already.” Calceus jumped when hearing his voice, but choose to ignore it as he dropped teeth and bones of monsters he had fought on Helisma's research table. Dorian let out an inaudible sigh before nearing in on him, ignoring the silent threat in the tension of the elf's muscles “After everything that happened, I would expect you would make use of the situation and take some well deserved rest.”

   Instead of allowing his frustration for the turmoil Dorian brought to take over and caused him to snap at the man, he closed his eyes and count till five, then turned around to him. Calceus knew this couldn't be avoid, and Dorian seemed to try his best at being... decent. “I heard of what happened to Felix.” he admit, which might have been, in retrospect, not the best way to start this conversation.

   “Ah, yes,” Dorian tried to shrug it off “You must be glad to have one less-” “He was a good man.” Calceus interjected, giving the human mage some pause. Silence hung thick between them after that and the elf tried sending him half a smile. Finally he spoke again, his voice cutting through the silence like a blade “I'm sorry. I could see how much you loved him.”

   Dorian forgot how to breathe, his lips parting with a surprised gasp. “I had no intention to abuse Alexius' hospitality by seducing his son.” he sound almost offended, but Calceus only seemed to pity him more. There was something odd about seeing a soft expression on his face again. Dorian would rather have him stay angry, really.

   “We both know those two things are not mutually exclusive.” Calceus point out matter-of-factly, idly toying with the objects he had just placed on the table, successfully avoiding eye contact again. Dorian didn't say anything, just numbly looking at the elf's slender hands.

         That talk, no matter how awkward it had been, it had opened the possibility for more talking.

   Calceus would never forgive Dorian for having enslaved him, but he... they... putting their complications and frustrations aside, something was growing between them. Not quite friendship, but something. For Dorian, maybe more. It was hard to let go of the nights they spend together.

   “After me, did you ever-” Dorian had gathered all his courage to ask, just to be interjected with a curt “No.” before even finishing the question. The question had been clear. Too clear. The elf send him a sharp glare and Dorian felt like he had done something terrible before he realized that he hadn't. “For someone who has been so intrusive about my feelings for other men, you are awfully secretive about yours.” he accused.

   Just when things were getting better, he was faced with the part of Dorian he hated again. That self-absorbed, self-righteous- Calceus felt his upper lip tremble and had to hold back a growl. “There has been someone.” he admit sharply “His name was Gin, and we loved each other, but I couldn't be with him. Because of who I am. Who people like you made me!”

* * *

   “I will always be an ex-slave, no matter how long I've lived as a free man.” his voice had suddenly died down to a whisper, as if he was ashamed “My master's touch will always be on my skin. Your touch... I will never be clean again.”

   Dorian should probably pity him. He was, but he also felt deeply hurt. “Has it really been that bad for you?” he inched closer to him and Calceus instinctively stepped back “Haven't I always been good to you?” he reached out to touch his cheek, but stopped himself when he noticed that terrified expression again. At one point, Calceus had nuzzled into his touch like he treasured the touch. Dorian felt a pang of guilt, everything he thought had been real between them finally crumbled.

    “I'm sorry,” he whispered, because despite everything, the elf still hated seeing Dorian hurt. Back in those days, Calceus might have loved him. It might have been real, though there was no way for him to ever know for sure now. Dorian shook his head and released a soft laugh, he always did that, masking his true emotions with humor and laughter. “It seems like it's me who should be sorry.”

   Dorian lowered his hand in defeat and gave a genuine smile “I hope that one day, you will be able to look at me as a friend again.” A friend... it somehow hurt having to say that. It made Calceus send a tentative smile though “If you are willing to learn, and to be patient with me, then I will be willing to be your friend.”

   The man pursed his lips and for a moment, Calceus was afraid he would deny having to learn anything. In all honesty: that was what was going through Dorian's mind. Instead he swallowed his pride and smile “I am anything but unwilling to learn, my dear Inquisitor.”

    “First lesson,” Calceus pointed out, raising a finger between them “Don't call my 'my Inquisitor', I am the inquisitor. I am no longer something to posses.” Dorian felt himself tense, not used to being talked to in such a demeaning tone, especially not by an elf. But he was starting to understand now, the pain that the man had walked around with for so long.

* * *

   Calceus was making his way to the war room when mother Giselle stepped in front of him. He tried hiding his annoyance, as he always did, preparing himself for whatever Chantry-filled preach she would confront him with now.

   The thing she actually brought up was unexpected. “I have noticed you have spending your free time with one of your... companions. The Tevinter.” Calceus knew there was nothing to be ashamed of, but he still felt heat coil at his cheeks. Stupid. “I've been teaching him about the Dalish and customs in from the South lately.”

   She seemed skeptic (while Calceus was telling the truth! Creators have mercy...) but decide to bring up something else instead “I have been in contact with his family: House Pavus, out of Qurius. Are you familiar with them?” the elf tensed at the mention of that name and gulped. He was... awfully familiar with them. Calceus just nod.

   “The family send a letter describing estrangement from their son and pleading to my aid.” Giselle explained, telling him about a meeting they had arranged for Dorian. He was supposed to bring Dorian there under false pretenses and when he declined, she gave him the letter. “I pray you change your mind, Inquisitor. Perhaps their letter will change your mind.” she had said and he quietly accept the letter. Needles to say, he wasn't planning to invoke Dorian's privacy. Not only because of his respect for the man's privacy, he had none, but because he couldn't read.

   Calceus had been walking back and forth for a while, not really sure how to handle this situation. He made his way to Dorian eventually, walking up to him with his usual grace. He leaned one hand on the table he was hunched over and looked at whatever was so interesting. “What are you reading?”

   Dorian hummed “A book about a Dalish clan called 'Manadh'. Did you know that it was actually close to Tevinter? It's quite interesting.” he started rambling, as he always did when it was about a point of interest. Calceus only half-listened and gave a few nods of encouragement.

   “Yes, I actually got something interesting for you too.” he stated, unfolding the letter on the table in front of them “It's from your father.” Calceus didn't expect the reaction he got, Dorian seemed almost angry. What could have happened in the time he had been away to fuel so much hatred?

   He read the letter and soon started phasing around “I'm willing to bet this 'retainer' is a henchman, hired to knock me on the head and drag me back to Tevinter.” the frown on Calceus face deepened at those words “That would be hard to do with my protection.”  his words actually brought somewhat of a smile to Dorian's face.

    “If it's a trap, we escape and kill everyone. You're good at that.” while it was a stab underwater, Calceus chose to take it as a compliment. Both mages took their staffs, as if expecting battle, and left off to where they were expected.

* * *

   They arrived at an empty café, both extremely on edge. Calceus has expected the Tevinter mage to talk his ears off along the way, but he had been uncharacteristically silent. It was both annoying and worrying.

   Both man jolted at the same time when hearing a familiar voice, instead of one of a family retainer. Having to face Halward Pavus again, after all these years, shut Calceus up immediately. He pulled up his hood in a try to not be recognized, turning his face to the side as he overheard the shaky meeting between father and son. It wasn't until he was addressed directly that Calceus started to fully listen again.

   “I'm sorry for the deception, Inquisitor. I never meant for you to be involved.” Calceus pressed his lips together, brows knitting together as he tried not to look at the man. Dorian unexpectedly snapped at his father, making the elf jolt in surprise “Of course not!” he spat “Magister Pavus couldn't come to Skyhold and be seen with the dread inquisitor! What would people think? What is 'this' exactly, father? Ambush? Kidnapping? Warm family reunion?” the stream of words left without slowing, all Dorian's anger and frustration suddenly laying bare.

   His father didn't seem impressed, sighing deeply with an almost degrading “This is how it has always been.”  But Calceus knew the truth. No matter how jaded their relationship already had been, something must have happened to make the rift between them even worse.

   Calceus could feel himself get worked up and forgot staying covered “Considering you lied to get him here,” he spoke up, his head snapping up so fast his hood fell back “Dorian has every right to be furious!”

   Halward looked nearly mortified when their eyes locked and puzzle pieces started to fall into place. His expression changed, became more harsh than desperate now “I should have known that's what this is about.” his voice reeked of pure distaste and Calceus felt like he was about to snap. Dorian did so before he could though “No, you don't get to make those assumptions! You know nothing-!”

  “This is not what I wanted!” his voice was raised and bounced like thunder off of the walls. Dorian stepped back just a little, but his voice was unwavering at his sharp reply “I'm never what you wanted, father, or have you forgotten?”

   All three men were silent then, all having their own reason to be worked up and angered. But also all with their reasons to wish for reconcile. Though right now, Calceus only wished to leave. It was painful to see Dorian in pain. It was painful to be faced with Halward. He felt like hiding away, like he always hid in the kitchen when the man was at home.

   The eldest man was the first one to have calmed enough to talk again “Dorian, please, if you would just listen to me.” his voice was suddenly soft again and Dorian had trouble believing the authenticity of it. “Why?” he sneered “So you can sprout more convenient lies?”

   “He taught me to hate blood magic. 'The resort of the weak mind.' those are his words.” Dorian's words hit like a bomb, like a stone settling in his stomach and Calceus dreaded the words that followed “But what was the first thing you did when your precious child refused to play pretend for the rest of his life?” he phased, but stopped and turned to face his father again “You tried to change me.”

* * *

   The walk back was filled with even more silence than the way towards had been. Dorian was still angry, furious, and Calceus was afraid to talk to him. What had happened after that confession was... blurry to him. He remembered more yelling, he remembered tears. Calceus had been the one to drag Dorian away from there and Halward hadn't dared to protest. Not anymore.

   “When did it happen?” Calceus finally asked, and they both ceased walking. Dorian looked away, his gaze still lowered to the forest floor. The elf looked away out of respect, eyes on the swirling green light in the sky. He patiently waited until Dorian found the words.

   Dorian cleared his throat and tried not to scowl “When you left, I had people searching for you.”         Calceus turned to face the man, not sure how to react, so instead he waited for him to say more “Father already knew about my... preference... so when he realized how much I cared for getting you back, it wasn't hard for him to come to the conclusion that I must have loved you.”  
He had spat the words as if it was preposterous and Calceus felt somewhat hurt.

   This wasn't about him, though, so he kept silent. Dorian was shaking, whether it was from anger or something else, he would never know. “Fucking a slave is one thing, but my father wouldn't stand by and watch me fall in love with one.” Dorian shook his head “I wouldn't put on a show, marry the girl, keep everything unsavory private and locked away. My feelings for you had been the last straw. He was going to do a blood ritual. Alter my mind, make me... acceptable.”

   Calceus gave an understanding nod, while he actually didn't. He couldn't understand. The elf had always found pride in being able to understand people, even his enemies, but he couldn't make sense of Halward Pavus to safe his life.

    “Selfish, I suppose, not wanting to spend my entire life screaming on the inside.”

   He looked up, eyes widening and focusing on Dorian's broken expression. Calceus didn't know how to respond to those words, no matter how bad he felt for the man, he was suddenly hit by the hypocrisy of it. He kept silent, looking away from the man as he approached.

   “Maker knows what you must think of me, after that whole display.” he muttered, trying to make eye contact. Calceus closed his eyes, mustering all his bravery and good will to form the right words. “I think you're a hypocrite.” before Dorian could protest, he add “But also brave.”

   Dorian looked struck with uncertainty for a moment, a look that looked strangely good on him, Calceus realized. “Brave?” he muttered, and the elf send him a tentative smile “It's not easy to abandon your past and walk your own path.” Calceus understood that better than most people could. It made Dorian realize why he had been called a hypocrite for blaming the ex-slave for the string of events his escape had set off.

   Calceus felt somewhat unsettled when Dorian didn't stop inching closer, even more so because he partially wanted to lean in, a tremble of excitement traveling down his spine at the thought of kissing the man “Sometimes you just have to fight for what's in your heart,” Dorian breathed.

    But just before their lips touched, Calceus pulled away.

    “Forgive me,” Calceus whispered, reaching one hand out to rest on Dorian's chest, both offering him contact and keeping him at a distance at the same time “But sometimes what's in your heart is not the right thing to do. You have to... let me get on with my life. We both know we can never go back to that anymore.”

“I have finally let go of the past.” he whispered, dropping his hand, Dorian let out a heavy sigh, taking his hand to press a kiss upon his knuckles. Calceus' eyes widened at the gentle and almost submissive gesture, giving Dorian a look of disbelieve. “I don't want us to go back to what we were.” he admit, giving a hopeful smile “But I was hoping that you, Inquisitor Calceus, would give me a chance.”

Calceus couldn't help smiling back.        

**Author's Note:**

> You can listen to the fanmix [here](http://8tracks.com/conreeaght/stars-from-dark-skies-dragon-age-pavellan-fanmix).


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